Good news. The procedure worked. Mostly.

The official report back is that the current background levels of radiation are higher than they should be, but not lethal in the near future, and so whilst they work out how to secure the – what I now appreciate is – a nuclear reactor in the engine of this ship, I should get back to life as normal, and continue my treatments until they tell me to stop.

So am back on to my routine. Exercise, stare out the window, float a little, watch TV, watch movies, read, look after the ants, do chores, write these posts. I’ve checked, and I can actually start studying engineering based on the library here, which wouldn’t be a terrible idea.

But back to me and Claire. So, I believe you’ll appreciate now that in essence I am a bit like a character in a soap or a sitcom. Everything would probably have been fine if I’d been honest but I’d dug myself such a deep hole with my App with Eric story I thought that firstly, regardless, Claire would leave me if I revealed the truth, but secondly, even if I hadn’t started lying in the first place, my lack of progress now meant she’d leave me regardless just for her own good, and I wouldn’t have blamed her.

But, being selfish, I was very keen to keep stringing her along in the hope that something would happen. I’d exhausted the fake app route and when I thought about things logically, I reckoned my  most logical course forwards was to go and study a bit of a specialisation, take 2 or 3 years to gain some new skills like contract writing or even look in to doing contract law which would be a good thing to build on my existing skills and slowly move in to a different career vertical with better possibilities for improvement and money.

But I was too far gone for that and also, I didn’t really want to. I mean, by that point she would have left me anyway (she may care to dispute this fact, I don’t know, but based on the full expose above, maybe she’ll dispute that dispute) so then I’d be studying part time, spending a lot of money on bettering myself, but if it was just me, then did I really need to be better. Couldn’t I just slowly but surely improve at a smidgen over CPI and keep a roof over my head? I didn’t exactly have a lot of expense.

Anyhow, in a park, on my own, cold, pretending to be with Eric and trying to think how best to explain my break up with Eric so I could come home before the winter set it, it occurred to me that maybe I had a better way anyhow. Maybe the key was to take all this effort and instead of trying to search out new opportunity where I was. By creating a vacuum to fill. Ironic now.