The horror of my situation continues but I’m not in any imminent danger of death. We had some potassium Iodide on board which I’ve started taking for the radiation. They seem to think it should work a bit, but unless they can show me how to fix the leak I’ll be screwed regardless. I shoved a probe down a maintenance tube today and they saw some pictures, took some readings, that sort of thing, so waiting on that.
Whilst I wait… you’ll recall I had this life coach JT. Well, after taking her tests I got a bit obsessed with taking tests online. I took personality tests and IQ tests. EQ tests, what X are you tests, you name it.
What I sort of hoped was that if I took enough tests I’d be able to really know exactly what sort of person I was, and from that I could work out what a person like me does best, and then just glom on to that. I realise it shows a stunning lack of self-awareness but intrinsically it’s sound.
The results were not always encouraging. I discovered I was not particularly bright. Lots of tests confirmed that. My aptitude, unsurprisingly was for writing and words. Suggested career paths included copywriting and translation. Not sure if you can translate much when you’ve never learnt another language. Shove it through translation software and then tidy it up? Anyhow I didn’t do that. I discovered I was quite neurotic, quite introverted, not enough to make a go of it though, I couldn’t commit to neuroses or solipsism.
By the end of this process I was really no closer to deciding what my big move would be and worst, I’d wasted quite a lot of time. The benefits of my promotion had worn off on Claire. The returns diminished on my increased returns, ironic. The next phase of her expectations began to rear their head.
We needed to start thinking about properties we could buy together. Our future home.
Bear in mind this. I’m looking back at this after the fact. I’m a different person now, with perspective and a cooler heart. I was very much in love with Claire and genuinely did want to make her happy, myself too by extension. Obviously now I see that I thought I could make myself happy by making her happy. At the time, however, I genuinely thought her idea of what would make us happy was a good one, and was aligned with it.
However, as she started looking at properties, it became clear that when you combined my earnings and her earnings, then subtracted her earnings once we settled down, we would be turfed out on to the street before that kid was walking. When I raised these financial objections, her nonchalance was, in reality, more a gentle reminder that she had not failed to notice that I hadn’t exactly surged ahead in my field. In other words, get back on the jobs band wagon.