Today, unexpectedly, has been tough. I think the reality of my situation has hit me and I think I’ve made a bit of a mistake.

However, since there’s absolutely nothing I can do about the mistake I guess there’s little to do but resign myself to it. I was watching some episodes of Fresh Prince of Bel Air after my nap and it just hit me: I will never have kids.

Obviously, I was in no position to have kids on Earth as you will have gathered from above and my Bio. I wasn’t just single, I was barely interacting with women except professionally. I’ve had relationships but more recently I’d not really been looking and then hadn’t found anything on anyone.

I’m straight, I like girls. But now, what am I? I’m more likely to copulate with the toilet nozzle than a woman, I don’t think there’s a word to describe people like that.

And I don’t want kids, I certainly wouldn’t take one if you offered one to me, but knowing now that my testicles are just two useless sacks of purposeless gene tadpoles is immasculating. I could rip them off  or just kill them all and it wouldn’t make a difference to anything. Which, in fairness, may well happen anyway if the magnetic shield is not as effective as planned.

I used to enjoy watching star trek so I gave it another go now. Not good TV at all  but the first bit, where the captain states his mission then there’s soaring, euphoric music, that bit I liked, so I’ve come up with my own.

Space, a frontier often observed but relatively unexplored. This is the voyage of the spaceship  Far Horizons (HG7612), its continuing mission, to keep going further from earth, to carry a germ of humanity in to the blackness, to keep that germ alive for as long as possible to prove that such things are possible, so that other people can also be sent far out.

Dah.. dah dah dah.. and so on.

It’s not a great amount to hang your hat on that is it.

Anyhow, here I am, kidless, friendless, alone but not lonely yet at least, with a series of keep-me-active experiments to do, safe and calm.

My first experiments involves defrosting, for want of a better words, some ants and letting them colonise a series of connected modules. I don’t quite know the purpose of the experiment, it seems to just be to see what happens. I guess if you’re not going to send a scientist in to space, the science will always be science with a  small s.

But, reflecting on that. I guess I’m not alone after all. And I will have kids. Little ant babies who I will nurture on my waste products, care for as they mature and eventually I’ll see them turn in to banker ants and lawyer ants, or whatever ants turn in to.

Hope they don’t die! Speed: Fast. Mood: Medium.