Deep Space John. Getting Deep. In Space.

Post 30

Posted on June 28, 2018

Fears a funny thing isn’t it. I mean I’m in a sarcophagus anyway. Got no place to be. I’m all alone, I’m literally being poisoned by the environment and still I have room for irrational fears. I should focus on being scared by reality, which is genuinely frightening.

So turns out the computer got a bit wacky after all those silly comedies since I followed them up by binge-watching a horror tv show and a couple of jigsaw movies.

Earlier I’d had enough with this strange thumping and noises and asked if it could perform every scan it could to try and find out what was causing the noise. It asked me what noise. I said: you wait, you monitor, and when I hear it I’ll say – That Noise! And you’ll know.

So meanwhile, back in the pod, a few callisthenics, responded to HQ, waited for their response and so on. Finally… Tha Thump.

That Noise! I shout.

I’m sorry John. I don’t hear a noise. Says the computer.

Me: Rewind your computer and listen again.

C: Rewind functionality is not working John.

Me: What do you mean? That’s literally you’re one Job, recording stuff.

Then, again, tha-thump, tha thump.

Me: There! You must have heard it that time.

C: No John, I’m sorry, I cannot detect the noise you’re talking about.

Me: It’s coming from over there.

I point to the wall and clarify.

Me: Behind the fridge unit.

C: There’s only wall behind that John. On the other side is space. Someone, or something, would have to be on the outside of the ship.

Me: What! What could be…

I’m interrupted by another two Tha-thumps, but this time behind me.

Me: There. Behind that, what’s behind that?

C: I do not know John, that area is not on my plans for this ship.

Me: Not on your plans, what do you mean?

C: I’m sorry John. I cannot answer that.

Me: What do you mean you cannot answer. And why do you keep calling me John.

By this point I am panicking a little and the penny drops.

Me: Computer, are you making those noises.

C: Yes John, I am.

Me: Are you trying to freak me out?

C: Yes John, I thought it would be funny.

Well. Quite funny I guess. Probably one of those things that’s funny when you see it happen to someone else, like scary girls appearing in fake Brazilian lifts, or when dudes jump out on their girlfriends and their girlfriends then beat the stuffing out of them.

I am led to believe this computer is rather advanced, perhaps a little too advanced and not advanced enough. It couldn’t take any pleasure in tricking me, it just saw patterns of behaviour, speech and sound and created a scary moment out of it to, what, connect? To bond?

We had a discussion afterwards and it agreed to not try to scare me anymore, unless it was really, really, really funny.

Post 29

Posted on June 25, 2018

I had a friend at school, who I will call Chan, who had a normal house in a normal street with a normal family. I was friendly with him on and off, although we did not keep in touch once we left school, we were friendly enough then that I would go round to his house.

We’d play in his room, cards sometimes or computer games, but when we did play computer games his mum had a rule about how much we could play, would set a time and then would come upstairs, tell us we had to finish our game or level or what have you and then wait for us to finish playing and watch us turn it off.

This was more strict than my parents who were glad to be left alone, but not completely uncommon or unheard of.

One day we were playing games when she came up and as she stood there in his room, she fully freaked out. She heard something, started squealing, ran in a few circles then ran downstairs to Chan’s dad. Which was weird, and I tried to make eye contact with Chan about it, but we were both caught up in our game and kept playing.

Then Chan’s dad came up. He stood in the room till we’d finished and then watched us turn it off and went back downstairs when I could hear Chan’s mum talking quite loudly. I went out into the hallway and could hear that she was praying.

Being, as people are, mildly curious, I asked Chan what was going on. He told me it was nothing, it was just that his mum had this thing, a condition really, where she thought there was someone living in the attic, and it terrified her, so sometimes she heard or thought she heard a noise up there and totally freaked out.

I remember being bewildered by this, but Chan didn’t think anything of it, and so I moved on, and when I got home I told my dad about it. He took it in his stride and asked me what I thought about it.

I said, reasonably, that the thought that someone was living in our attic was about the most terrifying thing I could imagine if I believed it even a little, but that I did not think there was anyone living in the Chans attic, since his family were not insane and would clearly have checked.

Dad told me that the power of fear was that you only needed the smallest seed and it would grow on its own. And also, he added, wasn’t their house, like our own, a terrace where all the attics are joined together. So someone could just climb through and escape if the needed to.

I locked my bedroom door after that for years.

So it’s with that context that I say that there may be someone on this ship with me, a stowaway. Or the biggest ant ever created.

Post 28

Posted on June 22, 2018

Mood good today. We’re going through an unusually dusty part of everything and the shields are going off, really pretty. I’ve been just looking at them, looking at the stars and the shields illuminating, and appreciating how lucky I am to be here.

Post 27

Posted on May 31, 2018

Let me tell you what it feels like to be dying. I don’t mean the physical symptoms, you can imagine them, think of the worst flu, combined with the worst gastric bug, combined with some horrifying eczema, that’s about it.

Post 26

Posted on May 28, 2018

It’s been a busy day lots of maintenance. At first I’d thought I would ignore my surrounds but apparently one man in an intensely enclosed space can make a whole lot of dirt and mess very quickly. Once I started on that I got on with my other chores as well and even some of my exercises until they made me start retching, although I guess you could blame the radiation sickness on that too.

Post 25

Posted on May 24, 2018

The horror of my situation continues but I’m not in any imminent danger of death. We had some potassium Iodide on board which I’ve started taking for the radiation. They seem to think it should work a bit, but unless they can show me how to fix the leak I’ll be screwed regardless. I shoved a probe down a maintenance tube today and they saw some pictures, took some readings, that sort of thing, so waiting on that.